eros, logos: all apologies

Sunday, March 22, 2009

all apologies

"I'm sorry." I can pull them forth like a magician pulling a string of coloured knotted scarves out of her fist. I have one for every occasion. Formal, informal; pro forma and full frontal. Sub rosa and infra dig. Don't you?

"I'm sorry." Passive-aggressive: I'm sorry that you feel that way. Purely aggressive: I'm sorry...and you should be too! Sometimes it means I love you, don't leave me. Transatlantic: I'm sorry? as in Pardon? or Say that again, I dare you. Sometimes accusatory: I'm sorry...that you stepped on my foot, you oaf. Sometimes self-loathing: I'm sorry as in I am a sorry state of affairs. We can swap them like Scrabble tiles, pass them like Hearts.

Sometimes it's grief. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, like calling Come back. Stay. Don't. Go away. Don't leave me. Those are all stacked above me, I feel them; they're circling above me in the rainy grey sky like planes piled up waiting to land. If I once started apologising I would never stop.

I am shaking you out of my hair; I am washing you out of my eyes. I am scraping you off the soles of my feet. I am peeling your name off my body. I am lifting the imprints of your hands off me. I will change my sheets and my name and the locks on my door. I am wiping down my room for fingerprints. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm sorry.

Labels: no-one in particular, random shit

posted by O @ 18:34


9 Comments:
At 22 March, 2009, Anonymous said… Sorry! the board game... Objective: Each player has his or her own "start" location and "home" location. The objective is to be the first player to get all four pawns from the start square to the home square. Sorry! is played by drawing cards instead of rolling dice. The pawns are normally moved in a clockwise direction, but can be moved backward, if directed. Moving a pawn backward can occasionally be to one's advantage. That last sentence is one of lifes great truths, dontchya think? At 22 March, 2009, L. said… I love your "random shit". And you're spot-on in your observations, as always. The hygiene metaphors are especially amusing to me. Sorry. ;) At 22 March, 2009, Aneris said… Just as delicious as always! You coat my mouth in the mot wonderful way. At 22 March, 2009, O said… sss, You are, as always, so very right. much love, O L, Thank you. I was caught between the hygiene metaphors and a kind of crime-scene feeling. ;) I'm glad you're still around! Aneris, Thank you, and welcome. At 22 March, 2009, Frequent Traveler said… That was so eloquent, O... Beautifully written. Glad you are letting go of him - it took me almost 7 years to get over my affair - ugh. wasted time, scarred heart. At 23 March, 2009, alphagirl said… Loved this...in my family you had to pay a fine for using the words "I'm Sorry" because they were never meant sincerely...but you are so dead on in your analysis of life's everyday life once again! At 25 March, 2009, DnWormer said… A mentor of mine always told me, don't apologize, just don't do it again. Since then i've been able to remove the phrase from 98% of my life. The other 2% I actually mean it. At 28 March, 2009, goodgirl said… I'm sorry too. At 28 March, 2009, Kimberly said… I'm sorry..that I didn't see this one sooner. So true, so well put.
Post a Comment
<< Home