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| Sunday, January 25, 2009 |
| emotional bliss: isis and femblossom |
 A beloved friend recently said to me, I always stop reading sextoy reviews halfway through because I can never afford the product. I sympathise, being a broke grad student, but who doesn’t sympathise right now in these times? 150 dollars (for example) is a lot to spend on a toy when you can’t even be sure in advance if it will work for you. I’m reluctant to spend even 40 dollars on something so frivolous as a sextoy right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Besides, is any sex toy worth 150 dollars? Colour me sceptical. (I imagine that as a sickly pale greenish hue, by the way.)
So that’s my question this week. I’m reviewing two products from Emotional Bliss, the Isis and the FemBlossom. Are they worth the pricetag, even with Babeland's sale? My qualified answer--bearing in mind that I am taking SSRI's and my response pattern is dulled-- is no. I’ll explain why I didn't like these and recommend some alternatives.
Any luxury item should be ranked on at least three factors:
1) Aesthetics: This is very hard to quantify, but it’s the subtle factor that warrants paying more money for one item over another. It’s the factor that justifies huge differences in price. This is the factor that the advertising industry exists to invent when true aesthetics are not present. Advertising exists to convince us that item A is more desirable than identical item B. Consequently, bear in mind that many people confuse brand names with aesthetics.
2) Utility/practicality: the bottom line. Does the item do what it’s supposed to do? This is why buying perfume might ultimately be more practical than buying eau de toilette: because it is more concentrated, a smaller amount of perfume will linger longer than eau de toilette, and this justifies the difference in price. Not always, but sometimes.
3) Packaging. This might seem frivolous, but it is absolutely folded into the price of any highticket luxury item and properly speaking it’s made up of equal parts of 1) and 2). You’re not just paying for the item and its materials; you are paying for the presentation. This is partly for aesthetic reasons, and partly for reasons of utility. The better the packaging, the longer the item will last, the easier it is to maintain, the easier to store.
EB toys are pretty, there’s no denying that. Made of medical grade plastic with antibacterial agents, they claim it kills 99.9 % of germs. Cleanup is with soap and water. They come packaged in a cardboard box with a sleeve and two kinds of lube (water and silicon-based) and a universal converter. I appreciate the lube, and really appreciate the universal converters for electrical current, but the boxes are tacky and large. For this amount of money I would want something better. If you own only one toy or two, the EB cardboard box might seem like a good idea. For the rest of us, it’s not the best storage item, nor is it particularly appealing as a gift. If anything, it's appealing only because the typical packaging standard for sextoys is so appallingly low: plastic bags or nasty smelly plastic boxes seem to be standard.
The isis is a fingertip vibe with a low vibration. Ultimately I found the vibration is too low. The Chandra has a higher vibration and might work better. I think either would work better as a toy for couples than for solo use. For solo flights I don’t think the ridiculously named Isis would work especially well. Speaking of which, why has no one named a toy the Isadora, after Isadora Wing of Fear of Flying? Someone should. In fact someone should name a series of toys after female sexual role models. Maybe the problem is that it’s so hard to find such role models. I certainly wouldn’t buy something named after Hester Prynne or Emma Bovary.
At the risk of sounding like a late night infomercial, I would like to recommend the Fukuoku 9000 as a less expensive, and I think far superior, alternative to each. I like that it has different sleeves for the vibrator to alter the texture, plus it has a nice carrying case. Unlike the EB toys, it isn't rechargable, so bear that in mind.
 I really, really wanted to like the Femblossom. I love the way it looks and I love the concept, but ultimately it didn’t work for me. The femblossom is designed to vibrate the whole vulva, and for me the vibrations were not intense enough. It has 3 different modes, each with 3 different intensities, for a total of 9 different vibration patterns. I think this might be a good toy for someone starting out, but at 135$ it’s an expensive experiment--although babeland has it on sale for half that. I generally eye these toys with multiple settings and buttons with grave suspicion. Frankly, I can barely remember which buttons to push on my iPod at times, so how can you expect me to figure out complicated buttons and vibration patterns when in the throes of sexual ecstasy? There’s even something a little offputting about the whole idea, isn’t there? I will say that the buttons are surprisingly easy to use and intuitive. Don’t think, look! ...or in this case, Don't think, feel!
This would be an excellent toy for someone who masturbates by rocking on a hand or a pillow, or anyone who prefers indirect forms of stimulation. I think it would probably be a wonderful first vibrator for many people. I would have loved this at around the age of 12, but by the time I could legally have bought it I was in the market for something more intense.
Having decimated these two toys by Emotional Bliss, are there toys that warrant the high price tag, or that would make an excellent gift for Valentine's Day? I think Njoy sets the gold standard. I’ve written about their fun wand over here. I can’t recommend their toys highly enough. Each comes packaged in a black box with a deep pink silk cushion lining. The material is medical grade stainless steel; consequently their toys can be sterilized, so one toy can do double duty or can be shared with a partner. Finally, their presentation means that these are toys that can genuinely be given as gifts without embarrassment; they are gorgeous and gorgeously packaged. This is what I would recommend for a Valentine’s gift or for serious investment.
 Labels: femblossom, isis, njoy, sunday sex toy review |
posted by O @ 06:06   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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in these times when everyone seems to be writing (rave) reviews. It was refreshing to read a 'i didn't like this product' review. i think it gives you credibility and people will be more inclined to trust you when you do recommend stuff and btw i agree...NJOY toys rock!!!
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Thanks sss! One of my issues about product reviews is that there doesn't seem to be much critical discernment in many of them. A notable exception is AAG; I completely trust her reviews and asked her for advice when I started noticing my SSRI orgasm issues. There are a few other reviewers I like too.
As you know I was hesitant to do reviews at all and like you I've turned down other companies, but I really like babeland. Another measure of their coolness is that they expect their reviewers to tell the truth; at any rate, they told me I could write whatever I wanted.
The value-for-money point is an important one for me; I'm a thrifty bitch when I can be. I also have a (surprisingly) Puritanical streak that makes me reluctant to spend a lot of money on something I think of as frivolous or an indulgence, unless I can justify it. Sextoys definitely feel like an indulgence, no matter how important sex is.
Njoy is a *totally* justified indulgence, in my opinion, on every one of the metrics I mentioned. I can't believe we have the same toy from them! I'll have to link your post about them.
kisses,
O
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Here's a link to AAG's archive for Jane: http://janesguide.com/wpmu/toys/
I screwed the link up above...
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![Your writing in the other hand [sic] is pure filth and disgusting.](http://www.gotbears.com/gund/sesamestreet/75985.jpg){kind=link}
in these times when everyone seems to be writing (rave) reviews. It was refreshing to read a 'i didn't like this product' review. i think it gives you credibility and people will be more inclined to trust you when you do recommend stuff and btw i agree...NJOY toys rock!!!