| Monday, July 17, 2006 |
| Ocean |
 You have this power I don't understand, he tells me the other day. But I understand it. It's being inside each other. There is something strange here nonetheless. We wake up at the same time, in different beds, in the middle of the night.
I realised something, he tells me on a different day. We've been lying here after fucking and he's half asleep and half dreaming with one arm over his eyes. I think that's the only reason he talks like this.
I realised I could live without fucking you, if I had to.
But I can't live without this, he says and he sounds slow, dreamdazed and not awake. I know he's talking not about fucking but talking. He's talking about these other things between us.
I need this in my life, now.
That now....in it I hear more than one thing. I hear the way in which there is almost a hope that I will no longer be a need, at some point.The obsession will end. But I hear in it also that I am now essential, like air or water. Something happened. Something happened behind the scenes when we weren't looking, something slid into place like the missing puzzle piece. That is what I am: the missing piece; there is a hole in his life shaped just right for me.
Is this true for me? .....the talking and the fucking are all part of one whole; I need both, him.
But I couldn't stop wanting to fuck him.
I need it.
I get itchy, yowly, I want to be fucked raw ragged like that junkyard bitch in heat.
He likes this. He loves me wanting him, and I think also he loves in a way to be slightly sadistic. Sometimes in the sweaty and tangled heat he will say, when I beg him, are you sure? or do you?
You know I'm sure, I say. You know I do.
This is new for me. I'm not used to this. I'm used to turning the tables, I'm used to slipping out and away and being on top. I'm used to feeling sexual power more equitably distributed....or to feeling like I'm in charge. Like I only play at being out of control.
Not anymore.
I loathe that. It's different for him; however much he needs to fuck me, he is also fucking someone else. I haven't been; I don't want to be. I want his cock, only his cock. I want to memorise every inch of it, with lips and tongue and opening throat. I want the head of his cock parting me roughly, making me cry out. I want his cock slammed into me, I want that lovely pain of it against my cervix, that kind of pain tht makes me say, no, please, when what I mean is yes, more.
I want him to open up my ass with the head of his cock, carefully, gently, until he can fuck me there.
I dreamt you last night. I dreamt you over me. I dreamt you at my feet, in the way you love. I dreamt you opening my thighs and parting me with your tongue. I dreamt the rough underside of your tongue tracing me, probing. I dreamt your fingers sliding up, one sliding into me, as your lips and tongue found me. I dreamt my hands in your hair and I felt the roughness of your cheeks agaist the insides of my thighs. I dreamt how I'd twist away but you'd find me. I dreamt how I'd settle, trembling, how you'd drink me, take me. I dreamt the feeling of my own wetness running down me, out, down the crack of my ass, down your face. I dreamt the bruises your fingers would leave on the pale skin of my hips, as you clutched me and lifted me to you. I dreamt how I'd be open to your fingers and tongue, everywhere.
I dreamt my pleas to you and whispers, those ones that are almost like prayers.
When I wake I'm wet. I taste salt, the weather is changing. Ocean almost in the air, that bitter tang like love.
[. . .] we
Find also in that sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
Dover Beach, sex, Erotica, sexblogs, Sophocles, Oralsex, pussy, Poetry, Ocean, Salt |
posted by O @ 09:29   |
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| 31 Comments: |
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The conflict, when no means yes, increases desire and intensifies the need. Beautiful words.
Thank you for the link ...
*Hugs*
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That's some incredibly powerful desire... I can relate. Thanks for sharing the thoughts.
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spirit,
my pleasure! i'll be visiting you soon. Thanks. ;)
best,
O
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prurient paramour,
what an excellent name! I'm very pleased you found something you could relate to here; I am looking forward to reading all of your own blog.
Thank you for reading, and for taking time to comment.
best
O
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LD,
thank you for sharing yours! I appreciate it.
best,
O
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"Singing me softly with your song. Killing me softly with his words." Hard for me to say anymore... It makes so much sense...
I am glad that he is yours.
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your writing is so wow and now. i am there, have been there, want/need to be there.
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Do you know Samuel Barber's setting of Dover Beach for voice and string quartet? I heard it some months ago but now he is BBC Radio 3's composer of the week and yesterday they played a recording with Barber himself singing.
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That ‘now’ seems to have many meanings indeed ... and very much so, ‘I hope one day I will no longer ...’. I guess that is the beauty of what we open in each other, what we learn about ourselves when mirroring in a lover. At the same time, happy that this is new to you ... Keep searching dear, maybe the weather is indeed changing ... Hugs !
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My darling O, this spoke to me so loudly.... I realised I could live without fucking you, if I had to. But I can't live without this I need this in my life, now That made my heart ache for you. As yours has for me.
You write so beautifully, so deeply, I cannot begin to praise you enough (and won't, only because I know how much you dislike it).
I do love you my sweet sister xxxx
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Just. absolutely. gorgeous.
Both the writing and the soul behind it.
Thanks.
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Another soul-sister; how I always need to be the only one.
Yummy, dear O.
PS. I've moved.
http://orchideareflects.com
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You know, the now could just as easily be a backwards reference as a forward reference. As in, he needs this now, where yesterday he did not. Just a thought.
The last paragraph blew me away. You just keep finding newer and better and smarter echoes of "Dover Beach." My reading of that poem was so shallow before I started reading you.
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Now is all we have, the future is not promised to anyone. Live in the now...love in the now!!
Just stumbled into this blog for the first time today. I have some reading to catch up on I see. Very nice.
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This is my first visit, but surely not my last.
You write beautifully. This post spoke volumes to me. Thanking for sharing your thoughts and feelings so eloquently.
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Dear Devil honey,
thank you; you know how i live your writing and look forward to more of it.
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max,
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment, it is always so meaningful to me when someone takes the time to say it mattered to them.
Best,
O
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darling swain,
No, i did not know it, but will hear it. It's funny, i had been listening to radio 3 just when you mentioned it.
with love
O
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Scarlet!
You know me far too well, it is that sister situation. I'm always so very very bad at accepting compliments, but yours mean more to me than anyone's, as i know you know me and understand.
Love, always
O
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Miss syl,
well, i think we have a lot in common, as you know. ;) Thank you for this, I am pleased you read it and thrilled you liked it.
love
O
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dearest orchidea,
all your movings, and it's so kind of you to find time to read me in the midst of it! i will change your link asap, and wish you much luck and joy in your new home. I always read you, though rarely comment
Thank you, as ever
O
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brandy and anna,
I am so pleased you found something valuable here; thank you so much. I look forward to reading your blogs. Thank you for taking the time to read me, and even more so, for commenting, and I am so glad that you found something that spoke to you.
best,
O
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L,
You know, the now could just as easily be a backwards reference as a forward reference.
Oh yes. I heard in it more than one thing; I thought that reading you mention was implicit--it certainly was the first layer of what i heard, and so went unmentioned.
My reading of that poem was so shallow before I started reading you.
Oh stop---you're just flattering me; I don't think you've ever missed anything about that poem, as we've discussed in your comments (or mine?) before. I do need to read some new things I think, but Dover Beach is still one of a very select few I say to myself before falling asleep, when I need to. (Eliot would be perfect, but would wake me up too much--i just memorise bits there, and avoid memorising any entire.)
I think I may be repeating myself--but I do have a tendency to remember Dover Bitch as well, when mournful and thinking of Dover Beach:
So there stood Matthew Arnold and this girl
With the cliffs of England crumbling away behind them,
And he said to her, 'Try to be true to me,
And I'll do the same for you, for things are bad
All over, etc., etc.'
Well now, I knew this girl. It's true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
The notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck. She told me later on
That after a while she got to looking out
At the lights across the channel, and really felt sad,
Thinking of all the wine and enormous beds
And blandishments in French and the perfumes.
And then she got really angry. To have been brought
All the way down from London, and then be addressed
As a sort of mournful cosmic last resort
Is really tough on a girl, and she was pretty[...]
And then she said one or two unprintable things.
It's a question of values, of course, I love what makes her sad...and I love also that bit: "things are bad all over!" and especially, the "etc., etc"...
best
O
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aragorn, darling!
yes, we have much to discuss, and always. Congrats again on your anniversary! so happy for you and the lovely orchid, and you know you have as always my very best wishes for the coming year of exploration and discovery, and my deep gratitude and love for you here on my own
Love
O
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Hi O,
I followed the link to you today and you have a very cool blog.
I very much relate to the desire you describe in your post... the "memorizing every inch of his cock".... is dead on.
Thanks for sharing.
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Speaking of Oceans-- the tide is about to turn. Stay tuned darling I have plans for you. I am pulling out a reminder of our 'good old days' on the blog.
It's a late blogoversary present that I am planning for you. You're going to enjoy every moment of it I promise.
You do remember those good old days right? We were much more 'flexible' back then. Ha!
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I went toy shopping for you and I. I just need to know what size you prefer. And leather or chrome?
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I am tempted, as usual, to quote your entire post and slather various frothy words of adoration all over it. Instead, I'll be conservative and just mention the one phrase this whole post came down to for me:
"...I get yowly..."
Yowly!
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Darling Tea,
Yowly! yes! you know it, love!
Rawr....
love
O
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Soulslave,
thank you so much! Both for reading and liking it, and for commenting. I've visited you; I'm looking forward to reading more.
Best
O
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Oooh T
Naughty girl. ;) I can't wait!!
all my love
O
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![Your writing in the other hand [sic] is pure filth and disgusting.](http://www.gotbears.com/gund/sesamestreet/75985.jpg){kind=link}
The conflict, when no means yes, increases desire and intensifies the need. Beautiful words.
Thank you for the link ...
*Hugs*